omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
zippers are such a cool invention
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
