he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
