I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
