At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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