Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
