Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
