I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize