im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
