i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
