Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
