I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
