please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
