70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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