Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
