im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
