Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
