we have pet lesbian snakes
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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