Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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