Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
