Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
