p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
