is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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