two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
