Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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