is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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