Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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