i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
