I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So here I am, sexting at work.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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