i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
