Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
