I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and she was petting her beer can
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
