Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
