he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have aggressive nipples.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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