If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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