Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
