Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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