It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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