im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
