he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We're too hungover to prance.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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