I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
