I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
