i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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