Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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