What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize