watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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