a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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