I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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