You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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