We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
