Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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