I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
