I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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