i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
