Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
