Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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