when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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