i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
