So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
