He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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