i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
