you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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