good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Michael Bay diarrhea
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
