She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
