i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
