Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
