I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
