and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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