There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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