thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
