I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize