So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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