i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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