I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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