just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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