My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
