You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
